Pinterest – Graduation Gift

My cute oldest child is graduating from high school and going to the college dorms. She was at one time, doing her best to emulate emo sensibilities. Fortunately, she changed her identifying group. 

This is one of those things I think would be a hilarious sign for her dorm room and it is one of those things she would find not at all amusing.  I guess the dysfunction she has from childhood didn’t swing towards the sarcastically quirky.

Glamping

 

My parents had a strict no dog, no gun, no camping policy. None, Nada, Nein, Nyet, No Way!  

 

“Camping: nature's way of promoting the motel industry.”  ~Dave Barry

My dad was so opposed to roughing it he did not own a pair of jeans. When we went on a trip to the sand dunes, he came up a little late from work and rode the four wheelers in slacks and a jacket. (I think he did take off his tie.) 

“Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?” ~ Jessica Simpson

 

When we went on a trip to Lake Powell, he used his pocket knife to cut the legs off of one of his more attractive red, plaid, polyester slacks so he could water ski. (Like parents aren’t embarrassing enough under normal circumstances!)

“There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.” ~Sir Rannulph Fiennes

The most extreme I remember my parents getting was renting a mobile home to go to an extended family reunion at Hole in the Rock, Utah.  And yes indeed, there was a big old rock and a big old hole and one teeny tiny bathroom for 8 people and whoever else asked for a turn.

“Once you bring something with wheels that’s enclosed, you’re no longer camping.  You’re parking.”  ~ Jase from Duck Dynasty

You can clearly recognize the seeds to my prejudicial view of anything rocky, muddy, sandy or on a sharp incline.

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” ~Steven Wright

Enter Glamping! 

Glamping, is a combination of Rockabilly, vintage travel trailer, pre WWI safari and the shabby chic mix of decadence with outdoors. 

“When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.”  ~Author Unknown

One of the original Glamping girls is the owner of Mary Jane Farm’s Outdoor Bed and Breakfast. 

http://www.maryjanesfarm.org/bb/

 

“It always rains on tents.  Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.”  ~Dave Barry

Wow! I might even put up with rain, privy, insects and dirt for a stay in these accommodations!  

Who doesn’t love a good pat down?

Some comments on the beloved TSA

 

 

Posted on an employment web site: “Does anyone know what the requirements are for being an TSA agent?” “Based on my observations, a GED, a bad attitude and a desire to grope strangers.”  Before you get all judgmental, consider that for some of us a good security pat down is more action then we’ve seen in the past three years.

 

 

 

Perhaps a mutually beneficial arrangement where those wishing to get groped could be issued an unlimited security pass and those wishing to grope could have it. 

Recently in the news:  A TSA agent found an abandoned pepper spray canister and wanted to determine if it was real. The incident led to five fellow employees going to the hospital.

Now some things are beginning to make sense. The reason for restricted items must be to keep dangerous bits and pieces out of TSA hands.   

 

From the TSA website:

 

Traveler Information, Food and Gifts: Items that you should put in your checked bag include cranberry sauce, gravy and maple syrup.  Pies and Cakes are allowed. (It appears that Thanksgiving is a heavy bring-your-cuisine type of holiday.)

 

All food must go through the x-ray machine. Food must be wrapped in a container.  They illustrate this point with a mound of French fries on a cafeteria tray.  This is a problem? I’m sure some people are coordinated enough to tote a bag, present ID and ticket while balancing a Thanksgiving turkey on a serving platter.  I am not one of them.

 

In addition, the policy doesn’t appear to be working well.  There was the recent cupcake confiscation (That frosting is a gel dammit!) and the breast milk debacle. (A TSA agent tried to force the breastfeeding mom to take a sip out the bottle. Ick!)

 

 

Prohibited Items. “Sharp objects like an ice axe.” Good call.  Also no “cattle prods, hand grenades or vehicle air bags.” What? Has anyone, ever, wanted to bring vehicle air bags on a flight? And, if they did, it would just illustrate foresight and planning? You never know when you have to deploy an airbag.

 

 

There was a recent proposed policy change which would allow knives, with a blade up to 2.36 inches long. Per the policy, the TSA screeners would have a mandatory 15 minutes of new training and would not be required to carry a ruler. I’m guessing it may be a little difficult, even for the newly trained experts, to judge 2.36 inches (evidently the length of a non-threatening blade) versus 2.38 inches (clearly a lethal weapon.)

Well as long as my taxes are being used wisely.

Pinterest – Offended?

What do they call a cougar who works just as hard as a man? Lazy.

Offended? Grow a thicker pelt.  

Post Traumatic Moving Disorder

My brother foolishly (the foolish part will become clear in a minute) started a piano moving business with his friend, while they were in college. And by moving business I mean figuring out the physics required for two guys to move very heavy but easily damaged pianos in and out of spaces where very heavy but easily damaged pianos should not be moved into or out of.

 

Because he has mad skills, he has been pivotal in I don’t know how many big moves. And by pivotal I mean lots of heavy lifting, use of his trailer and the ability to pack an enormous amount of stuff into a very small space.

 

For this move I’m paying for help. And by help I mean paying my fantastic neighbor any amount she asks for to orchestrate the move, including out-sourcing the lifting.

 

On the day of the move, as is my nature, I will be helping by taking valium and staying in a hotel.

 

I will interject that paying for the move and paying for a housekeeper has absolutely been the best money I’ve ever parted with.

Being the type of guy he is, my brother and my sister-in-law, trailer in tow, plan to be there to help.  So I asked, “By now, don’t you have Post Moving Stress Disorder?”  His response, “I am in the final stage of grief; acceptance.”    

 

I on the other hand, am in the first stage of grief; denial.

Customer Service and the Lack Thereof

The continued adventure of one mom’s attempt at finding functioning phone service

Like an idiot, I decide to look for online customer reviews AFTER I am three months invested. (Feel free to laugh at my expense.)

The Straight Talk Wireless Plan From Walmart:

Horrible Service, But At Least They’re Consistent!

1,095 negative comments and 94 positive comments.

Overall rating of 32.9 out of 200.

At this point, despite assurances otherwise, my actual phone number is not my prior number but my billing number is my old number. The result? My phone is “deactivated” a few times each day, requiring a lengthy phone call to where ever their outsourced call center was located.

“Well Ma’am, we do not have good coverage in your area.” “Let me make sure I understand. You are telling me, inadequate cell tower coverage would cause my phone to deactivate and direct me to pay for additional service? AND, at the same time, you are telling me your product is basically worthless?” “Please turn the phone off and then on.” 

 

A few posted interactions from the Straight Talk Blog:

You have without a doubt the absolute worse customer service I have ever encountered in my life.  I don’t know how you stay in business. You really do get what you pay for.

Hi, this is April from Straight Talk.  We apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you.  We can help you with this issue. Please email us with your contact information.  Have a great day!

 

 

You suck!!!!!!

Hi, this is April from Straight Talk.  We’re sorry to hear about what happened to your account.  You can email us for assistance regarding this matter.  Have a great day!

 

April, don’t waste my time or yours posting your canned response.  You would need access to a time machine to make this right.  Trust me, before I am finished with Straight Talk, you people will wish you had never gone into the cell phone business. That’s a promise between you, me and God!

Hi, this is April from Straight Talk.  We apologize for the trouble this may have caused you.  Please email your number and full names so we can help you get this issue resolved.  Have a great day!

 

From an online product review article: “I can smell the class action lawsuit.”

Good Advice

What wonderful advice! Maybe that is why I’m so pessimistic about the future.  As an individual, a nation and a globe, we need more light focused on the helpers.